Room Sharing

Eddie and Tommy have now officially shared a room for 2 weeks, and things have gone pretty well. I have held off on moving Tommy out of our room because I didn't want to mess with Eddie's sleep schedule. But I decided if I didn't just do it, it would never happen. For the first week, Eddie would stir when I would go in to feed the baby during the night. But now, he sleeps through feedings and anytime that Tommy cries.

Only on occasion will they keep each other awake. This most often happens when first going to bed. Tommy will cry, then when he finally stops, Eddie will scream to get him going again. This happens a couple of times before they will leave each other alone. But more often than not, I put them each in their cribs, tell them goodnight, and they go to sleep. It is wonderful!

Tommy still naps 3 times a day, so I schedule it so that his middle nap is at the same time as Eddie's one nap. This leaves me with usually 1.5-2 hours of "Get Stuff Done That I Can't Do With The Kids Around" time.  

And now I have my room back in case I want a nap, or need to do laundry, clean, shower etc.

#1 Life's Lessons Learned While Running

Yesterday as I was running, I took a much wider loop around Highland than I usually do because I needed to hit in 12 miles. I like to run by the Timpanogos Temple and it happens to be on a great running road. The first time I ran past it was 2 weeks ago and I approached it from the West side. As it came into my view at about mile 2, I realized that the temple sat on a hill that I was going to have to run up. The hill wasn't horrible, but I was so glad to make it to the top and enjoyed the beautiful view once I was there.

Yesterday, I approached it from the south. As I was running on the main road, it was a straight shot to the temple, however, there was a huge hill right before it. I watched the hill get closer and closer, and bigger and bigger. I was almost 5 miles in and thinking this is going to kill me. Especially since I had another 7 miles still to go.

But I started up the hill not changing my stride. About halfway up, and feeling like I was going to die, a biker crested over the top of the hill and came speeding toward me. Oh what I would have given to one, be on a bike, and two, be going downhill!

I may have been silently cursing this biker as I finally crested the hill, and there was the Temple. It got me thinking about how running is so much like our journey through life. Running is hard, life is hard. There are so many ups and downs, potholes and dead end trails. But the Temple is always in sight. However, it is usually at the top of a hill. Nothing about being worthy of the temple, or even attempting to attend the temple is easy. There is always an obstacle in our way. It can be temptations, bad habits, feeling unworthy, not having enough time, kids etc.

But what really matters is that we keep putting one foot in front of the other. That when those hills come, we keep our eye on the goal. We focus on what is on top of that hill, just past that trial. And we don't lessen our stride, but we push forward, knowing that it will all be worth it in the end.

Running Update

Well my goal of running a marathon is still on track. I am up to doing long runs of 12 miles and average 23 miles a week running 3-4 days. Since I started running I have run 109 miles. How crazy is that! I now feel that a half marathon is well within my reach, but I still struggle with the idea of a full marathon. At the end of running 12 miles yesterday I was not feeling so hot. I have a hard time imagining how I could run another 14.2 miles on top of it. But I keep reminding myself that when I started running in November, I couldn't even run for a full 20 minutes. And now, I can run for close to 2 hours. I figure if I keep training hard, I will get there.

Nothing about running has been easy, but I enjoy the alone time so much. I read somewhere that running a marathon isn't about actually running a marathon, it's about the miles you do in preparation. And I totally agree. I look forward to the next 10 weeks of training as I will hopefully reach my goal of running a marathon at the end of it!

Tommy is Mobile!

This past Wednesday I had Jeni Walton watch the boys while I met with my broker for about an hour. When I went to pick up the kids, she commented on how crazy it is that Tommy is rolling over so well. I said, What do you mean? So she laid him down on his back and he flipped right over onto his stomach like he had been doing for months. I couldn't even believe it! He has been getting onto his side over the last week, but hadn't been able to make it all the way over onto his stomach. But not anymore! You can't get him to stay on his back now.

Tommy has even figured out how to roll over with both arms swaddled to his sides. He won't sleep unless he's swaddled, but sometimes he'll squirm when you put him to bed until he is on his side or his stomach. Then he gets really mad if he ends up on his stomach with no arms. That's when I have to go in and roll him back over. Silly kid!

We've Moved...Again

Well I am now officially a Utah County resident. Dan has opened a shop in Lindon, so we decided to move closer so that he will have less of a commute. Thanks to Dan's Aunt Julie, we found a couple in their ward who are serving a mission in Kenya for the next 18 months. So we are renting their beautiful home.

It is so nice to have windows! I didn't realize how much I missed the light after living in that basement apartment in Sandy for the last year.

We have high hopes that we will be able to call Utah County home. I have told Dan that I am only moving one more time at the end of this 18 months, so I guess we'll see where we end up. 

Below is Eddie helping Dan shovel off the porch. He is such a good helper. And look at our amazing yard! I can't wait to spend the summer out there!

Tommy's Fist Tooth

Tommy had his first tooth pop through this week. It is his bottom left one.You can't see it in the pictures but I promise it's there!

Drops of Awesome

I had the following blog post sent to me and it is amazing. I hope I can look at motherhood and my seemingly daily failures a little differently from now on.

Drops of Awesome

Posted on December 19, 2012 by The Daring One

This post has been in my heart and on my mind for over a year now. I’ve talked about it. I’ve prayed about it. I’ve taught about it. I was waiting for the right time to post about it and now feels like that time. It’s a post about a tiny little moment that completely changed the way I see myself and others. As I think about it and act on what I learned, I find that I am changed in significant ways every single day.
It was a sunny school morning and I was walking Magoo to the bus stop. I don’t often walk him to the school bus. He’s in second grade and pretty independent and I’m usually busy getting myself and his sisters ready. I’m semi-nocturnal and I sleep later than I should most mornings.
When it’s time for school, he says goodbye and heads up the hill to the bus.
As we got half way to the bus, Magoo reached out and grabbed my hand in an uninhibited way that I knew wouldn’t happen many more times. He’s seven now but growing and how many 12-year-old boys do you see still swinging hands happily with their mommies?
I squeezed his hand, felt the rare Seattle sun on my face, and told him I loved him. I was nearly perfectly happy.
Nearly.
Just at that moment, the thought came into my mind, That’s awesome that you’re walking him to the bus stop and putting on this “mother of the year” act today. What about yesterday and the day before that? You hardly ever walk him to the bus. He’s probably holding your hand because he’s so desperate for the love and attention you haven’t been showing him.
My bubble had burst. I am a crap mom, I thought, as I looked down into his smiling face.
Then another thought came. Kathryn. What is wrong with you? You are being an awesome mom in this moment. Your child is happy. You are loving him and caring for him. He’s well fed and dressed. You’re walking to the bus stop in the early morning and you’re already wearing a bra for heck’s sake. Do not rob yourself of this moment’s joy because of what you failed to do yesterday or what you fear you might not do tomorrow.
This started me thinking of all the times I do something good while beating myself up for all the times I haven’t been perfect.
You’re worshiping in the temple? Woopty freakin do! How long has it been since you came here last? When are you likely to come again? You’re not good at this. This is a fluke.
Wow. So you cleaned the kitchen today. Want a cookie? That dirty rag has been on the counter for a week and those dishes you so righteously cleaned are from breakfast three days ago. You are embarrassing.
That was really nice of you to offer to watch your friend’s kids while she had surgery. Remember last week when you knew your neighbor was suffering from depression and you drove right by with a wave because you did not want to get sucked into the drama? You don’t really care about people. Not all the time.
How destructive are these kinds of thoughts?
As I said goodbye to Magoo and started to walk back home, my mind started to shift.
Drops of Awesome! I thought. Every time you do something good, something kind, something productive, it’s a drop in your Bucket of Awesome. You don’t lose drops for every misstep. You can only build. You can only fill.
I walked Magoo to the bus. Drop of Awesome!
I fed him fruit with breakfast. Drop of Awesome!
I told him I loved him. Drop of Awesome!
I wore a bra and brushed my teeth before schlepping it up that hill. Two Fat Drops of Awesome!
All day long I chanted these words in my head. I picked up that tootsie roll wrapper off the front porch instead of stepping over it for the eleventy hundredth time. Drop of Awesome! I unloaded one dish from the dishwasher when I walked through the kitchen on my way to the bathroom. Drop of Awesome! I texted my sad neighbor to say I was thinking about her. Drop of Awesome! I had a critical thought about one of my kids and I brushed it away and replaced it with love. Drop of Awesome!
When I started thinking about my life in terms of adding these little Drops of Awesome for every tiny act of good, I found that I was doing more and more of them because it’s a lot more fun to do good when you’re rewarded with joy, rather than being guilted about every failure in your past.
By the end of the day, I had realized something important. If I was spending time with my kids, really listening to them with attention in the moment, then I was a good listener, regardless of the 50 other times I’d brushed them off or multi-tasked while they were talking over the past week. If I was engaged in sincere prayer with my Heavenly Father, really communing with him and seeking his will, then I was a person who engages in sincere prayer, regardless of how my prayers were (or weren’t) yesterday and the day before that and the day before that.
As I added up these Drops of Awesome, I found that in those moments I actually became the person I had always wanted to be.
Have you ever said any of these things: “Well, I guess I don’t work out anymore,” because you missed one workout? Or, “I always fight with my brother. Our relationship is broken.” What about, “I’m kind of a nag to my spouse.” Or “I gossip and I always end up hurting people I love.” “I can’t stop spending money. We will never get out of debt.” “My house is always a disaster.”
These things are lies, depending on the next decision you make, the next Drop of Awesome you put in your bucket. You may have done these things or have a hard time with them but they don’t define you and you can change this very instant. You may not think you can change permanently but you can change the next choice you make. And as you change that one next tiny choice, you may think, I got this one Drop of Awesome but I may never be able to get another one again.
And that’s okay.
You made the right choice once. And in that moment you were the person you want to be and that is a triumph. For one night, you were a person who went to bed early. One morning you woke up and the first words out of your mouth were positive so you were a morning person in that moment. Bam! Drop of Awesome.
You do not need to wait three months to be who you want to be. Pick up ten things right now and say, “Drops of Awesome! I am someone who takes care of my house. That is who I am. I have proof.”
In the end, it’s really about allowing yourself to feel joy and allowing yourself to be proud of the small victories of life. This builds momentum and you want more drops in your bucket and when you don’t get as many, you pick yourself up and say, “What can I do next?”
Now, there are a whole lot of religious implications to this because, as a Christian, I believe that you are not the only one adding these Drops of Awesome to your bucket. Christ commanded us to be perfect, but through His atonement, He is with us every step of the way.
As an object lesson when I was teaching this to the teenage girls at church, I gave them each a small dropper and I put a 2-quart bowl on the table. I told them that throughout the lesson they would get the chance to put drops in the bucket for every Drop of Awesome they could think of that they’d done. I promised them that we would fill the bowl to overflowing by the end of the lesson.
With about 5 minutes to go, we had barely begun to fill the bowl and the girls were looking around at each other nervously. The promised overflow did not look likely. Were they not awesome enough?
At that point, I pulled out a large pitcher labeled ATONEMENT and poured water into the glass bowl until it was spilling out all over the table and the towel the bowl was resting on. The class went silent.
When we are in a relationship with Christ, striving as God’s sons and daughters to do His will, He pours more into our buckets than we can ever hope to imagine. He can fill us to overflowing with peace, with joy, with perfection, with Awesome. And then what do we do if our bucket is overflowing like that? Where does the Awesome go then?
I pulled out an identical bowl, twice the size of the original. Our capacity for joy and light increases. And we just keep working, one tiny drop at a time. And we don’t compare today’s drops to yesterday’s or tomorrow’s. And we live and we love and we repent when we do wrong and we allow ourselves to be glorious, beautiful, and dare I say perfect in Christ, children of God.
I believe in a God who loves us and roots for us and cheers for every Drop of Awesome we can manage. Our victories are His victories and He wants us to feel joy. Not later, when we no longer make mistakes, but right now.
I’m gonna close this uber long post out with a scripture from the Book of Mormon. I know many of you do not share my faith but I think you’ll find truth in these words:
“Now ye may suppose that this is foolishness in me; but behold I say unto you, that by small and simple things are great things brought to pass; and small means in many instances doth confound the wise.” (Alma 37:6)
Small and simple. Tiny drops. Go forth. Be Awesome.