The New Normal

Since Eddie is almost 4 months old now, and I am starting to get back to "real" life, everyone has started asking me if I feel "back to normal". My response is always the same. No, I'm a new normal. I have come to realize that I will never be the person I was before having a child ever again. Not only physically, but emotionally, spiritually and mentally. I now bare the scars of a mother and I wear them with pride. I do not value my body because it looks good in a bikini, but because it was able to create life. I have no concerns over my future, only the future of my son. I do not worry over my spirituality, only over my ability to be worthy of being with my family for eternity. I do not view my husband as sexy because of his muscular biceps, but because of the spit-up stain left on his shirt after holding our child.

While I was pregnant, I had two friends that both lost their babies. One lost her little girl at 9 days old, and the other at 7 days old. During their pregnancies, their babies were diagnosed with a heart condition that the doctors told them the babies would be lucky to make it to full term, much less survive delivery. Little Logan and Oliver were truly miracles for what short time they were able to be on this earth.

From the moment I found out I was expecting, I prayed for a healthy baby. I prayed my child would have 10 fingers and 10 toes. That he would be free of any mental or physical disabilities. That he would be happy and strong. However, when i found out about what these mothers (Carrie and Story) were going through, I had a hard time praying anymore. I felt so selfish to pray for these things when they were going to lose their children at any moment. I realized my prayers were so petty because I didn't really care if Eddie had 10 toes or only 7. I didn't care if he was going to be mentally or physically challenged in some way, I would only love him more. I realized all I cared about was how much time I was going to have with him here on this earth. Whether that was going to be a breath, or a lifetime, I wasn't going to take a second of it for granted. And so every night I pray for one more day, and every morning that I wake up to his smiling face, I know my prayer was answered once again. I will be forever indebted to the Bostrom's and the Mendez's for sharing their stories with me and so many others. It is because of their trial that I have become a new and improved me.

So this is officially (for better or for crazier:) my "new" normal. As Dr. Laura says it best...I am my kid's mom.